three

Among all the words she has spoken to me, the one that I remember most vividly is about "jealousy". She said that jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins, and therefore, you must forgive them

However, fate is not a piece of clay that can be molded into the shape we desire at will. This time, the upheaval in Junliang's family not only destroyed her life but also shattered the pride and dignity she had tirelessly maintained in front of others.

However, that innate peculiar sense of pride made me reluctant to admit this, so during those years when I was being pretentious, I often said that I was like water, unscathed.

As we got up to leave, Junliang's voice suddenly carried an uncontrollable emotion: "Mom, I wish you happiness"

How is that possible! A spendthrift like Su Junliang, who loves to buy high-end makeup sets, is infatuated with limited edition perfumes, insists on purchasing everything from hats to shoes exclusively at department store counters, and has never shopped on Taobao, actually claims to have savings

Although I felt quite embarrassed, Junliang's mother was very friendly. The warm smile on her face gave me the illusion that she had no connection to Junliang's father, as if the man facing imprisonment was not her husband at all

At that time, Junliang was no longer a pretentious person; she said nothing, simply took off her coat and let me tie it around my waist

For many years, she has always presented herself to outsiders as aloof and self-important, like a princess standing at the pinnacle, looking down upon the world. She does not allow even the slightest hint of ungracefulness to fall into the eyes of others

Junliang transferred to my class in the second semester of the first year of junior high school. I heard that she fell behind in her studies due to an illness, so her parents decided to send her to our prestigious middle school, which prides itself on its excellent teaching quality, to catch up on her studies.

Given my personality, although I have never said such words, Junliang must understand very well that she is indeed my only friend

I have said that if I had not met Junliang, my life would surely have been a completely different scene

That kind of hellish life came to an end in the sixth grade. When my mother came to pick me up, she was surprised to find that I had already grown to 1.6 meters tall. Her expression was a mix of shock and joy, accompanied by a touch of humble reconciliation.

The person has long departed, yet one can still see her in the disc, wearing a flowing white gown, gently singing. If I had not met you, where would I be, how would my days be spent, and would life hold any value...

I do not know what events she has encountered that led her to emit such a sigh amidst all her profound sorrow.

When things were almost settled, I received a call from Liang Zheng, who was shouting at me on the other end of the line with righteous indignation: "Song Chuwei, you are completely OVER! How could you skip three days of class? If you don't come back soon, I will report you to the class advisor!"

The fear and loneliness that once accompanied me in City H have once again surrounded me like a tide, and I bit my lip hard, wishing I could just die on the spot.

The time in City H that year is seldom recalled in my later growth, perhaps because its overall tone was too bleak, or perhaps because I was too lonely at that time. In any case, that period felt like a stroke of plain white amidst a riot of colors, and like a moment of silence amid the clamor of music. It was unimportant, and naturally overlooked.

I remember it very clearly, it was in 1995, when the vomit blocked the breathing tube, Teresa Teng passed away

When I was a child, the neighbor next door bought a device called VCD, which could be connected to the television to play discs and listen to music

I looked at Junliang's stubborn profile with pity, and a sense of indescribable sadness arose in my heart

On the train back to City Z, my mother said to me with a sense of melancholy: "Chuwi, from now on, it will just be you and me living at home..."

I have just come to understand why Junliang has always wanted me to be with her. If there is no one to accompany her, if there is no one she can temporarily rely on to let down her guard, she might truly collapse.

Although I was so furious with him that I felt like I could vomit blood, I could only bow my head and nod vigorously at the air, saying, "Alright, alright, alright, I will come back tomorrow! If I don't come back tomorrow, I am your daughter!"

Her voice was also filled with weariness: "I appreciate your concern, but in reality... things will eventually pass. I am stronger than you, stronger than everyone, and perhaps even stronger than I think I am. Throughout a person's life, one must encounter various disasters, both big and small. I had lived too well in the past, and now I am paying for it all at once."

After returning to City Z, I felt as if I had become a different person. There were often some gossipy neighbors who would chatter away, and I would inadvertently hear their words. Regarding my father's disappearance, I never dared to ask my mother a single word. That strange mentality was akin to that of an ostrich; I was very afraid that if I asked, it would become a reality.

Gu Ciyuan shook me awake from my state of emptiness, and the already serious expression on Du Xun's face became even more pronounced

To be frank, my first impression of Junliang was not good. Her overly arrogant demeanor led me to immediately conclude that she was "not one of my kind." If it were not for the incident that occurred later, perhaps our pretentiousness would have been limited to nodding and smiling at each other during a class reunion several years later, merely as a form of greeting, and in essence, we would have remained strangers.

Perhaps due to a night without sleep, my head is buzzing, and I momentarily cannot respond.

The homeroom teacher's face turned bright red; I thought that if it weren't for Junliang's father's influence, the teacher would surely have choked this audacious little girl on the spot

In the end, it was Junliang who spoke first. Even in such an awkward situation, she maintained her dignity and composure, unlike some girls who, upon seeing their boyfriends, would rush over and cry uncontrollably.

At the same time, Du Xun from A University turned on his phone after it had been off for 3 days, and the notifications of Chen Zhiqing's text messages and missed calls came pouring in like snowflakes

The latter half of this conversation was almost a monologue by Junliang, and her mother's silence served as the symbol marking the end of this conversation, not a period, but an ellipsis

After washing her face, Junliang regained a bit of her spirit. In response to my question, she once again displayed the venomous charm of her past: "Chuwi, your writing is good, but it is not as good as others' skills in bed."

The first significant turning point in my life occurred in the year I turned eleven, when a thunderous explosion suddenly shattered the monotony of my life.

Those photos are still tucked away in an old album, yet I have long ceased to open the drawer to retrieve them

I never expected that this person, who usually speaks in such an archaic manner, would actually respond to me with: "I don't want a daughter like you who lacks ambition!"

Junliang once jokingly said that if in the future one of us becomes famous, for example, if she wins the Pulitzer Prize and I win the Mao Dun Literature Prize, when giving a speech on stage, I must mention the other's name, and I should also say, "If it weren't for my beautiful and wise best friend, I would not be who I am today"

Junliang picked up the teacup, gently blew on it, and after carefully taking a sip, began to speak: "Mother, in fact, I am not surprised by everything that is happening now; I am just very sad... In the past, the elders used to say, 'Husband and wife are like birds in the same forest; when disaster strikes, they fly their separate ways.' I never thought that one day this saying would apply to my parents."

It was of no use; no matter how I resisted, it was all in vain. They completely disregarded my feelings. After packing my bags and swiftly completing the transfer procedures, they sent me to City H. They seemed so eager, as if I were a burden they were desperate to get rid of

She has said that I am her only friend

Ciyuan brought me hot soy milk for breakfast, but I am so sad that I cannot drink a single sip. I once saw a girl say that there is no such thing as true empathy in this world. I admit that she has a point, but Junliang and I are like siblings. Her experiencing such a change weighs heavily on me, and my sorrow is not feigned.

Recalling the memories of our youth, we all felt a tinge of sadness, so I quickly changed the subject: "Junliang, I truly did not expect you to be so foresighted, knowing that you should save money for yourself. I always thought you were just a spendthrift!"

It was around that time that I became very, very, very insecure

However, when Junliang becomes stubborn, it is truly frightening. Looking at her sullen face, all my resolve dissipated, and I had no choice but to grit my teeth and become unpleasant.

If she had fulfilled her responsibilities as a wife, and if there had been a bit more warmth in the family, how could it have come to this

Whenever I look at her with that cold, icy gaze, my grandmother, whom I secretly refer to as the wolf grandmother, always adds fuel to the fire by saying: "Look at her, at such a young age she already looks at people like this, just imagine how she will be when she grows up..."

That incident was when my parents, disregarding my desperate resistance, insisted on sending me to City H

I resent them; I know that there must have been some earth-shattering changes that occurred while I was still in a daze. Otherwise, why is it always her who comes to see me alone? Why doesn't Dad come?

After returning from City H, although I have grown in various aspects, I have not gained much wisdom, so I have not noticed many subtle changes. The increasingly deteriorating mother-daughter relationship has made it difficult for me to lower my guard and inquire about some vague feelings that I have sensed but do not fully understand.

As long as he truly loves Junliang and cares for Junliang, nothing else matters

I originally had nothing much to do, but upon hearing her say that, I suddenly felt a tingling sensation in my nasal cavity

Just like that blood-red sunset from many years ago, I stood up from my cramped seat in the dim classroom, revealing a smile to her.

Therefore, even if I am not very sensible, I know that books must be read properly

Gu Ciyuan, sitting beside me, held my hand tightly. I leaned on his shoulder and closed my eyes tightly. Everything from the past flashed by like a black-and-white silent film, frame by frame, then froze and magnified

Later, I mentioned a little about life in City H to Junliang. I said, can you imagine, passing by that dilapidated station on the way to school every day, watching the railway tracks extend infinitely into the distance, that feeling... it is so desolate

Regardless of how Gu Ci will be laughed at in the future, I can confidently say that at that time, I indeed looked very cute

Although I know that he likes Junliang very much, the feeling he gives me is still too heavy, as if the person under double regulation is his own father

I looked at her with great disdain and said, "Why have you become increasingly rude in your speech? You are Lin Muse!"

He forced a reluctant smile at me, one that could even be considered perfunctory. Although there was little sincerity in that smile, I could understand his concern for Junliang.

When I first heard about this decision, I was stunned, but their serious expressions undoubtedly proved that they would only inform me, rather than consult with me, and their rigid tone left no room for negotiation

Later, a reporter remarked that during the interview with Paul, there was no trace of sorrow on his face, which was truly令人唏嘘.

The early winter rain falls gently and persistently

There were times when I was also well-behaved and obedient. On weekends, I would wear a gymnastics outfit and carry my leather-soled dance shoes to learn ballet. During holidays, I performed in front of all the teachers and students at school as a key member of the class's cultural activities. My hair was styled into two little horn braids, adorned with two large hair flowers, and I would dot my forehead with a red lipstick mark to resemble a beauty spot.

I originally would not agree to it at all. Although we are very close friends, this is ultimately Junliang's family matter, and as an outsider sitting by, it feels awkward to even think about it

Was he originally planning to become the son-in-law of the Su family

Now, don't mention her mother; even I am extremely shocked!

She pressed a sanitary pad into my hand, her words brief: "Stick it on"

Those restless nights, those nights spent crying under the covers, those days when I clearly stumbled yet still stubbornly held on, pretending to be proud, they do not allow me to forget

When we knocked on the door of Junliang's home, she had just returned from the law firm. Although she forced a smile at us, her face unmistakably bore the signs of exhaustion that she could not completely conceal

I sat in my seat for an entire afternoon, too afraid to move. Even when the teacher called for us to stand up, I pretended to feel unwell and lay down on my desk.

The four people sitting on the sofa did not speak first. I used my gaze to urge Gu Ciyuan to break the silence, but he returned my look with his own, saying: "Are you mute?"

At that time, she appeared somewhat outstanding among her peers. The teacher kindly asked her to stand on the podium and introduce herself to the classmates. No one expected that this young lady would be so disrespectful to the teacher: "What is there to introduce? What is there to say? My name is Su Yunliang, is that enough?"

Before being sent to City H, I was not a troublesome child who caused my parents headaches

I always watch her coldly as she concocts these pale excuses to brush me off, does she think I am foolish? ... Before forcibly sending me to City H, my father's increasingly infrequent returns home ...? ... Does she really think I haven't noticed anything?

Therefore, the girls do not want to be friends with me, and the boys who have not yet matured to appreciate beautiful females are even less likely to befriend me. I feel like an extraneous person in the class, only becoming the center of attention during exams.

My mother's explanations always sound so forced to me, my father is busy with work... my father is on a business trip... my father was originally on the bus, but he had to return due to an urgent matter, he will definitely come next time

Suddenly finding oneself in a strange new environment, former classmates and companions feel as distant as memories from a past life, surrounded by curious and inquisitive gazes.

At the moment I hung up the phone, my roar nearly echoed through the skies

Mother, didn't you say that day at the lawyer's office that you are just a woman? If you do not plan for yourself, no one will plan for you... I am very fortunate to have inherited your genes and to have taken action early on. Although I love beauty and often spend money recklessly, I have saved every penny of my red envelope money since childhood without touching a single cent.

That was the first time in my life that I lost control. I cried with a contorted face, sweeping all the bowls and chopsticks off the dining table onto the floor, the sound of porcelain shattering one after another, interspersed with my howls and screams.

One day, he heard a phrase in his dream, suddenly awakening in a state of great fear. However, in his terror, he forgot what it was, so he summoned the wise men of the world and ordered them to come up with this phrase

It was not until we boarded the train back to City Z that my anxious heart finally calmed down a little. I caught a glimpse of Du Xun, who still had his brows furrowed. I patted his shoulder and said softly, "I know her well; she would never do anything to harm herself."

Du Xunlian did not get out of the taxi, but waved at us, saying: "Let's go, what are you waiting for"

I do not know what to do, walking back in shabby pants under the mocking gazes of passersby? ... I cannot do it, I truly cannot do it

Later, as I grew up, the first time I saw the word "loneliness," the first thing that came to my mind was those two iron tracks—infinitely extending, never converging. This is loneliness, isn't it...

When Tang Yuanyuan, that annoying woman, was just putting on makeup upon returning to the apartment, she saw Jun Liang looking haggard and bluntly asked, "What the hell, why does your face look so terrible, like you just had an abortion?"

The story goes that, three months later, the wise men presented a ring inscribed with the words: Everything will be lost

Du Xun's anxiety stems not only from the upheaval in Jun Liang's family but also from another reason: he is uncertain about how to address his relationship with Chen Zhiqing amidst this chaotic situation. If he chooses to confess to Jun Liang at this moment, it would undoubtedly exacerbate the situation.

Gifted children are often not as happy, but as long as they appear to be thriving on the surface, that is sufficient

Menarche occurs under such circumstances

Junliang smiled faintly, somewhat dismissively: "No need, Mom, I have a secret I haven't told you. I have savings, and the amount is not to be underestimated."

At that time, she seemed to me to be nothing short of an angel

After everything was settled, I looked at her, and not a single word of gratitude could escape my lips; all my sentiments were encapsulated in my smile.

After finishing her makeup, Tang Yuanyuan smiled at me and said, "I am not the only one being asked out by Liang Zheng."

Junliang turned her face to smile at me: "Chuwu, do you know that saying?"

As Junliang spoke these words, a layer of mist gradually formed in her mother's eyes. Several times, her mother opened her mouth as if to say something, but ultimately, no words came out. Finally, Junliang reached out and held her trembling hand, firmly stating: "Mom, I understand that our future life cannot be compared to the past, but you need not worry. I am already an adult, and I am very clear about what I should do. You go live the life you have always wanted; one thing will never change: I will always be your daughter"

The "they" she referred to are the girls around us who, although still unaware of the evil nature of humanity, have already shown some signs of it, such as A, who placed a dead mouse in my class, ... B, who stuck out a foot on the stairs causing me to fall publicly, and C, who said in front of the teacher, "Song Chuwei was hiding underneath and flipping through a book during the exam"...

When Junliang appeared, my face was already drenched in tears. She gently tapped on my desk. I looked up at her, not understanding why this classmate, who had never spoken a word to me before, was standing in front of me at this moment

Perhaps the recent events have exhausted Junliang's ability to retaliate, as she merely shot Tang Yuanyuan a glare and did not express anything further. I directly picked up a book and threw it over: "Tang Yuanyuan, why don't you go on a date with Liang Zheng and stop being so annoying here."

However, there are no ifs.

When she was very young, she read a story about Solomon

In fact, I only know one aspect, not the other

In everyone's life, there are always several significant turning points, standing at the crossroads of life, hesitating and wavering, fearing to take a wrong step, because once you take that step, you will never have the opportunity to know what kind of scenery lies on other paths

From the day I transformed from a child into a young girl, through our respective sixteenth birthdays, to our time together in university, and throughout the long journey of life that follows, we will always reside in the deepest parts of each other's hearts, becoming eternal inhabitants.

Indeed, everything will be lost, Junliang sighed softly: "Since I became aware of my father's matters, I anticipated today. Over the past years, there were times when I truly hoped I was just being overly anxious. I sincerely wish that my savings would never have to be used."

Since childhood, I have repeatedly heard my mother, who is a teacher, nagging that all pursuits are inferior, and only studying is of the highest value

If I do not look, I can continue to evade; if I do not look, I can treat it as if it never happened, as if nothing ever existed: once, I was also a child that my parents were proud of.

Solomon is the beloved of God, the king on earth, unmatched by anyone

At that time, I was young, and even if I tried to feign sorrow for the sake of composing new verses, I did not know how to express it.

However, it is of no use; I will not forgive.

Fortunately, I am not the only outcast in the class; there is also that chubby girl who shares the same treatment as me. Her greatest talent lies in peeling the covers off textbooks and putting them on her extracurricular books, all while savoring the delightful experience of reading those vibrant and youthful manga amidst the resounding morning recitations of the entire class.

Those memories I am unwilling to recall are indeed etched into the originally innocent days of my youth, having become an unalterable history with the passage of time.

Du Xun pondered for a moment, then called her. Before Chen Zhiqing's exclamation had faded, he spoke first: "Zhiqing, is it convenient for us to meet? I have something very important to discuss with you"

I watched the retreating villas and fields rushing by outside the car window, my eyes uncharacteristically filled with tears, yet I continued to turn my back to her, unwilling to turn around.

After school in the afternoon, everyone had left, and I was still lying on the desk. At the age of just over ten, I experienced for the first time what despair truly meant

However, later when I mentioned this sentence again in front of Gu Ciyuan, he argued with me very seriously: "How can water not have scars? Water is the most prone to scars, because even the slightest touch can create ripples..."

Not long after we took our seats, I realized from the conversation between the mother and daughter that it was not my illusion; that man was indeed no longer her husband

It is useless, I will not forgive you

I also asked her, is it tiring to live like this

As dawn broke, I stood anxiously with my backpack at the foot of the boys' dormitory, waiting for Gu Ciyuan. He ran over from the hazy morning light and pressed his hand on my shoulder, saying, "Wait a little longer, Du Xun will be here soon."

If I was somewhat unhappy before because they concealed their relationship from me, then this morning, looking at Du Xun's serious face, I truly no longer hold any grievances

However, the fact that one rarely thinks of something does not mean that it has truly been forgotten

Yunliang's and my hands were tightly clasped together under the table, her palm slightly damp, and it was only this small peculiarity that subtly revealed her inner anxiety

Junliang brought me along for her final negotiation with her mother

After growing up, sometimes when I look at Junliang, this song always reverberates in my mind

In fact, when I heard Gu Ciyuan say this, a gentle feeling slowly rippled through my heart. However, I wanted to be a reserved young lady, so my response to him was a roll of the eyes: "Stop pretending to be so artsy!"

After leaving the café, I saw the tears that had been held back for so long finally break free from Junliang's eyes. I did not comfort her, as I truly did not know how to console her. I could only do something that even a cat or a dog could do: take out a tissue and hand it to her

She glanced at me, offering a grateful smile, encapsulating a thousand words in that subtle expression.

Every month in between, my mother comes to see me once, bringing me some food. Although she becomes more and more haggard each time, it does not evoke any sense of compassion in me at all

At that time, her boyfriend Paul was right beside her; if he had reached out to pat her on the back, perhaps the tragedy would not have occurred

She shrugged and said, "There is a saying by the master: when adults do not act like adults, children have no choice but to grow up quickly"

She asked me in return, how can one live in this world without feeling exhausted

Mother Su appeared to be embarrassed, and her tone was somewhat deliberately accommodating: "Don't think too much about it. From now on, your educational expenses and living costs will be borne by me."

I nodded silently, of course, I know

As soon as this thought emerged, I immediately slapped myself; I truly lack integrity, indeed. No wonder Gu Ciyuan said that I am never serious.

That incident was like a watershed moment; from then on, Junliang and I became very good friends. We didn't even mind how others arranged or distorted our relationship. At that time, we were both living as self-indulgent and carefree children.

Since this household has changed from three people to two, it has become very quiet, so quiet that we can even hear each other's breathing. We speak less and less, and our communication and interaction have diminished. Regarding the deepening barrier between us, no one has the courage to dismantle it.

Seeing us all in a state of shock, Junliang had no choice but to explain: "In fact, I had heard about my father's matters a long time ago, so I am not surprised at all by today's outcome. He should have anticipated this day while he was doing those things, enjoying those things, and accepting those things."

When we parted, she finally said to me with a hint of disdain, "Make sure to return it clean."

Watching her emaciated figure disappear at the door, I truly feel that this world is absurd. Have all the women in this world perished? Why is it that even a girl like Tang Yuanyuan can navigate between multiple boys?

Du Xun said nothing, merely wrapped his arm around her shoulders and let out a deep sigh